I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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