you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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