What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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