She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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