i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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