well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
