is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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