its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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