The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
