I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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