Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
