so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
