You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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