Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
