I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
