I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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