you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
