Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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