I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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