Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
