No stitches, just platelets and will power
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
