You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
