I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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