she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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