She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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