even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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