im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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