you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Holy sore nipples Batman
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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