party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Couch. On fire.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
