nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I looked at my own cervix.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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