well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
