I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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