wakey wakey hands off snakey
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
