she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
