The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
