The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
