i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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