He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
