Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
