please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
