and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
