You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just gift wrapped bread.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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