I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
