we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Randomize
