M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
