This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
