I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
