last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
