In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
