he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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