i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
