he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize