you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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