FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
