I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
