I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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