come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
