I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
