wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Randomize
