be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
