She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
