and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
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