I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
