brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
