You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
