So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i just google imaged poop.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
