guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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