You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
