I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
