very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
