I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
