someone threw a dead crab at me
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
