haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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