So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
