I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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