girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
