The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
His nipple licking is glorious
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
